Like a disease...

Thats how I'm feeling at the moment.

These moods are forever changing, and it's reeeaally getting annoying. I was in such a good mood for a couple days and it seemed like things were looking up and I was somewhat getting back to my old self. I had more energy and wasn't feeling soo sad anymore. I was also starting to actually be happy for people with babies. The jealousy feeling seemed to be easing up. SEEMED TO BE...but things arent always what they seem.

I guess I shouldnt get my hopes up too soon or think I could just go back to my old self. I need to realize things will never be what they were. Ive come to find that people look at you different when you lose a baby. It feels like Im a cancer. Its a pretty lonely and isolating feeling. Like I dont belong...

I feel like mothers with babies don't want to associate with me. I am their worst fear...like a disease they dont want to catch.

Hoping very soon I will have a healthy baby to call my own and will start to truely be happy for others and start to feel like I belong...

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