First Birthday in Heaven

I so wish Bella could be celebrating her birthday with her family who loves her and misses her soooo much...instead shes celebrating with Jesus and all the other angel babies. I imagine its one huuuge celebration the week of CHRISTmas! One day I will get to find out just what its like but until then we will continue to celebrate her life without her here.

The night before her birthday we made cupcakes and blew up balloons. The plan was to release balloons when she was born at 9:05am. I didnt sleep a wink that night! Im kicking myself now because I was so worried about getting to sleep(that really never happened) that I didnt get up to see the BELLA eclipse!!! Uugh. I finally got tired of not sleeping so I went outside around 530am...it was a little cloudy then and obviously too late.

When we got up 1/2 the balloons were on the ground. Ryon decided to then read the helium tank: BLOW UP BALLOONS 2-3 HOURS BEFORE EVENT. We'll know next time :) lol. Anyway we blew up some more and got a late start so we got to the cemetary with about 15 mins to spare. It was pretty cold so everyone was moving pretty slooow. The balloons were all tangled from getting them from the house to the car. We decided instead of trying to mess with it so everyone could write on a balloon we would write notes and tie them and send them all together. Once we got the balloons out of the car they were getting smaller and smaller so we thought maybe the notes would keep them down. Bella wanted her balloons so she got her balloons! They went up up and awaay. Im sure they made it up to Heaven...I just wonder how long it took??

After we watched the balloons for a while it was time to light the candle on her flower birthday cake. MISSION IMPOSSIBLE. I tried several angles trying to block the wind but that candle just wouldnt light! Enough was enough so we just decided to go ahead and sing happy birthday. I started it off but of course couldnt sing past "Happy Birthday to..." and thats when the tears came. I just couldnt believe here we were singing happy birthday to our princess on a cold winter (first day of winter actually) day at her grave site.

We gave out the cupcakes and everyone left while Ry and I stayed for a little bit. We read her a book and talked to her and then it was time to go.

When we got home there was a bunch of balloons left behind just laying there...Ryon decided to kick them to see what Chloe would do. She went nutss! She was running around picking them up and theyd pop...so shed get another one and run with it until it popped and did that till all the balloons were popped! It was soo funny! She had a great time and so did Bella and her little friends she brought with her :)

Our girl is never too far away... <3

I plan on celebrating her birth every year. Why not? She is and will always be my first born and she deserves to be celebrated. December 21st is Bella day in the Blehr house and I dont plan on working on that day everrr. Austin and any other kids we may have will always know their sissy and it will always be a day to celebrate!

We love our Bella more and more every day...

Happy 1st Birthday to my beautiful baby girl!

Missed more than you could ever imagine...

bella cupcakes and princess bags to put them in

beauty...plain and simple

Bella bear & flowers

writing notes

from mommy and daddy

tying notes to the balloons

...Happy Birthday Bella, we love you!

still flying...

trying to light her candle in the wind

ok so we couldnt light it..about to sing to her...

a rainbow bean on my belly! :)

1 yr old, precious moments

Nana, Nonie, and Chief

Aunt B, cousin Hunter, Uncle Scott
Daddy, Bellabear, Mommy

pretty flower cake in Bella colors :)

Happy Birthday baby girl <3

Daddy, Bella(and friend), and Chloe having fun popping the balloons

Chloe almost done...& Bella watching from atop the flooring against the wall

The aftermath...and there she is again :)


Bella's tree

Ive been wanting to bring her a little tree for some time now and we FINALLY did it last night in the freeeezing cold! :D

I was hoping to decorate it and all out there but it was just frigid so we did that part at home...and boy am i glad! The wind was/is absolutely ridiculous so we had to stake it down. Poor daddy froze his fingers off! (The rope broke so it took a little longer than we would have liked!) I checked on it today and watered it and am happy to say it is doing just fine.

We sure love and miss our little girl.

{Her 1st birthday in less than a week!! Eeeek!)


Song for Bella

love love love this song. winter reminds me of my sweet little girl.

Winter Song --- sarah mclachlan



So a few nights ago I got a visit from my BEAUTIFUL daughter...in my dream. It was short...and bittersweet.

Somewhere theres stairs to Heaven and I went and climbed them. There were 423 stairs, and in my dream that was A LOT. It was just me and my preggo belly walking up to heaven...when I got there, there was a HUGE gate. Lots of people were standing there but they were a blur to me. All I saw was Bella. She was soooo beautiful...just standing there holding onto the gate with a huge smile on her face.

I couldnt touch her or talk to her...we just stood there staring and smiling at eachother. She had a cute headband with a big ol flower on it and a cute chunky little face with the biggest smile...and light brown hair. She looked just like she would have now...about a year old.

My dream was over. All I could think about when I woke up was how happy she looked. I know it was her way of saying "Momma, im ok and happy...dont worry about me". I cant help but cry thinking about it. I just wish I could kiss her and tell her I love her. I wish she was here instead of the few and far in between dreams shes appeared in.

I wish there were stairs to heaven, beacause no matter how many there were I would walk them every day just to see her beautiful face.

Sure missing my little girl.



Due to a few "anonymous" ignorant comments i've gotten...i've decided to change my privacy settings so not just any old creeper on the internet can read my blog. Maybe these anoymous commenters are people I know...maybe not. I feel if they knew me they wouldnt have made the comments they did. Oh well.

So to those anonymous people who were too chicken shit to post their names so I could respond...you are dead wrong and nobody asked for your opinion. Maybe YOU should consider mental help? ;) Im doing just fine and my child will be as well with me as his mother.

To those that wish to continue reading my blog, just send me your email address...either by leaving it as a comment or to maryannritter@roadrunner.com and I would be happy to add you! :D