Our first Thanksgiving without her

My beautiful family.

Ryon, Chloe, Bellabear watching over,

& Austinbelly hidden by the table :)

and ME

This year was tough im not going to lie.

It just didnt feel "normal"

I woke up throughout the night checking on my dough and warming up the towel that was over it hoping it would rise by the morning! I woke up for the last time around 7am...

dough wasnt quite ready but we werent ready to eat either...heck Ryon slept for a few more hours!

I got the ham ready and popped it in the oven for 2 hours.

While that was cooking I prepped the turkey and put it in the electric roaster I borrowed from my MIL. So nervous to cook it in that since I had never used it before. We had expected it to take about 4.5 hours or so but that sucker was ready in 3 hours!!!

After I got the meats started I decided to take a shower before starting on the SIDES (opposed to "fixin's)

The shower seems to be my "safe place" to cry. If its a bad day I can put on a happy face but once Im in the shower it just all comes out! I was a mess...TMI but I cried so hard it made me throw up! I hadnt had morning sickness for a few days so I guess it was that time?

After the shower I went and laid with Ryon and told him how much I missed Bella.

Last year I had less than a month to go before she would arrive. I talked about how this thanksgiving would be sooo much better with her here. I imagined everything. Daddy sleeping while mommy and Bella cooked up a storm! Well this year it wasnt like that. Just quite. Cooking alone(which I love but I wanted my Bella)

I hated it.

I hated that she wasnt crawling around, "helping" me, you know just being a sweet little almost 1 year old.

Well anyway...Ryon woke up and made eggs while I made the frydoughs (a yummy Ritter tradition)

The ham was ready and we ate our holiday breakfast.

Then off to the kitchen to make all the sides I went!

baked mac n cheese

baked mashed potatoes(w/skin!)

broccoli, cheese, rise casserole


asparagus -lemon :(((  (wont do that again!)




 pumpkin pie (from scratch!)

oreo pudding pie

yum. yum. yum

Austin loved it and kicked at every bite!

I cant wait until next year. I picture a much happier Thanksgiving. I didnt "see" next year in my head because I cant see the future anymore...but I imagine things being a little "easier" with a healthy, happy baby in the house. We could really use the happiness that a baby brings.

It was really hard to get into the holiday spirit and being thankful.

Dont get me wrong...I am VERY thankful this year. I dont mean to sound completely bitter and sad...but of course theres lots of sadness being this is the first year...

Im thankful I had 22 days to adore my little girl. Stare at her. talk to her. tell her I loved her.

Im thankful for her. Shes taught me so much and continues to do so even tho she is no longer living.

I see the world in a different light...and I am thankful...I would have never seen the beauty in everything if it werent for my angel.

I am thankful for my wonderful husband who is my ROCK. We have become SO much closer this past year. I am glad I have someone like him to share everything with.

Im thankful for all the wonderful friendships ive made with all the mothers of angels...they have helped me tremendously this past year!

The few friends that have been there for me...I thank you.

FAMILY has been great and im SO thankful for some of the wonderful things they have done for us.

I am SO thankful for my little bean. My rainbow. I dont know where I would be on my journey of grief if he werent brewing in my belly. I dont want to imagine my life without him. I am so thankful he is starting to become more active and kicking up a storm. This makes me one happy and thankful momma.

Most of all I thank God.

Now if we could make it through Bella's birthday, Christmas, and her Angelversary...

There IS a light at the end of the tunnel.

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