Void

So here we are...another holiday season. I really havent thought about it very much unlike last year where its ALL I thought about. Trying to figure out a way to skip it all.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and I was thinking to myself, ya know...it just doesnt feel right, something doesnt feel right. I pictured this year was going to be so different. Like my grief would just disappear! We can go bck to "normal" now. But no, its not how I remember things being. Growing up it used to be family and big gatherings in Texas at Nannys house. Happy times, Great memories. Now id just rather stay home and cook for my small family who just wants to make it thru another season. Ok so we arent exactly looking to just fast forward...but theres jus that empty feeling that hangs around.

Im wondering if this is how it will always be? I cant do large gatherings anymore and I like to stay home...just in case...ya know, theres a melt down or something. I cant entertain or put on a happy face and be crumbling inside. Not a good faker :) Maybe one year ill be into being with others again but im fine just us. And TONS of left overs...and Ryon complaining I made way too much :) {ya gotta have all the fixin's!}

Anyway. I was curious and wanted to flashback to see just how it was last year. {Good thing I blog and can do that!} Reading it at work? Hmm maybe not the best idea ive ever had but oh well.

Pretty much feel the same.

I mean..things are different...it is "better" but it still sucks. I still have that lump in my throat, holding back tears that could just burst out at any given moment. Its been a while but given the time of year its bound to happen soon.

Ok, im over my sad mope fest.

Maybe ill post something positive tomorrow...like what im thankful for, seems to be what all the cool kids are doing :)