I started following this precious little boy Miller's journey about a week ago (colecrews.blogspot.com) I went back and read the previous posts and then a few days later I found out he had gone to Heaven. I have been SO sad the past few days. It just brought it all back and reading about him has made our loss seem so fresh.

Bella has been on my mind constantly...she always is but lately its hit me especially hard. The tears flow like you wouldnt even believe and Im starting to feel stuck again. I know this is going to happen forever until I can be with her again but I just wish it didnt hurt so bad.

Watching this video...it feels like yesterday.

One thing ive been thinking about that I wish we did differently...I wish we chose to see her one last time at the funeral home. A lot of things about that dont sit well with me and I wonder a lot. I feel like if we got to hold her one last time there, I would have more closure. Obviously I cant go back and do it all over but if i could thats one thing I would have done regardless of what I was told it would be like if I did...

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