As many of you know I work at a bank. Before I came back I was sooo anxious, not knowing what to expect. My wonderful manager let me stay in the drivethru for 4 months. Before I went back inside I got "are you going to stay out there forever?!" (A lottttt) I really wasn't ready to go inside but I let people get in my head and thought, I guess I should start the rotation again and give others time away from the lobby.

The first day back inside I was literally sick to my stomach(a few times!) And I cried quite a bit, all before we even opened! I thought, I really need to find a new job, one that involves a cubical and no people interation! I even hyped myself up about another bank job, and asked about it, but my SIL works there. I knew I couldnt work with her, but when HR told me that...I got sooo angry.

Anyhow, back to the first day...a few people asked about Bella and I couldnt hold back the tears. I know most people mean well, but after someone tells you her daughter died, would you seriously ask her about another girls baby??! That first day I went home feeling pretty beat up. I hung a picture in my window a few days later with her dates, but people ignore those...instead its a lot of "is that your baby?" Or "aw what a cute baby!" Heres a good one..."aw, she was born right before christmas...and the second date, thats when the picture was taken?"  Wow.

Here was a conversation that left me blown..

guy:(talking about my angel necklace) "your an angel arent you?" Me: "uh,yeah"

guy:"ha,when youre sleeping right"

Me:"sure..actually its my daughter"

guy:"oh ya how old is she"

Me:"she passed away when she was 22 days old"

Guy:"22 days wow, she picked it out all by herself??"

Me:(look of confusion)"she passed away"

Guy:"oh..well thats life right"

Me:"yeah, i guess?...have a good day"

I didnt know what to think after he left.

A lot of times I see them looking...about to say something, and bow their head, or give me that dreaded look. You know exactly what theyre thinking. When I see people look, my heart races..are they going to ask? Am i going to have to say the dreaded words? The customers that have asked, and come to me again, I feel always want to go to anyone but me...not thaat girl.  I DO like when people ask...and then ask what happened and want to talk about it. I love talking about her. I hate saying she passed away and stopping there...and feeling bad for telling them. I want to tell every detail about every second of her life. Of course I dont unless they ask. So far ive been able to talk about her 2 times. Those customers made my day. 



1 comment:

  1. Wow, you've had it pretty rough. I'm so sorry. It's great that you can and want to talk about her. I still struggle to talk about our baby without tearing up, and he would have just turned 7. But I do like to talk about him...I just struggle with how to bring him up. And you never know how someone else is going to react. I love that you put up her picture and dates though. That's a wonderful idea. Hope you have more good days.