Ah fall....my least favorite season. Its just so daggone gloomy! This year I took off a few days in October and we are going to do a few things as a family that we havent done. (No beach tis year...booo) It'll be nice tho getting to spend time with my loves tho! Someone will obviously be mising. Always. How I wish I could hear my little miss yapping away in the back seat or to look in the rear view and see both of my babies snoozin on our little road trip.

I wish I could see her in her little cowboys cheerleader outfit cheering for our team every Sunday! The pumpkin patch. Halloween. Thanksgiving. All of it. I always think of how it would be. Im sure I always will. Its different now that Austin is here tho. I dont have all this time on my hands to sit around and wonder like last year. Im very thankful for that. I drove myself crazy. When thoughts come in my head now...I ponder for a moment, smile, and move on. Sometimes ill go give her picture a kiss and whisper "I love you".

Some days it hurts and ive done a good job covering up the pain and heartache and rarely shed a tear anymore. Its gotten easier to hold back.However, with fall upon us and the gloomy dark days...the tears and heartache will show themselves again im sure. Maybe.

Her birthday is going to be here soon {ok so its 3 months away...but itll be here before we know it!} and im starting to make a plan. Last year our family was with us, and this year im thinking just the 3 of us. Undecided still. Going to hopefully make new traditions as well. Im searching for some good ones. Ive started to gather things to make a few care packages. Maybe 2. She would be 2. Still havent contacted the NICU tho.

Also my plan is to start making hats and mini blankets. Ive watched youtube videos but havent picked up the yarn yet. Well, I have it...sitting in a bag waiting...

(Austin could use a few hats himself! You know...they are so hard to find, its crazy.)

I got the idea today from the MEND newsletter to make a sign to put outside by Bella tree on her birthday. Maybe we will take it down on her angelversary and do this ever year. A simple 22 day reminder to those around us that she LIVED...and continues to in our hearts.

Id like to hear how you all plan to celebrate your babies on their birthday, angelversary, and during the holidays. Even if you havent lost a child and have an idea. Comments welcome! :)

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